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Mother Fucking Bastards
..stole my bicycle out of my garage during a brief five-minute span while I was in my house collecting materials and tools to bring out to the garage. They left a shitty one in it's place so the thief apparently saw an opportunity for an upgrade and took it. Since I knew it happened just a couple minutes prior to my discovery I jumped in my Jeep and tore around the neighborhood examining every bicyclist I saw but to no avail. Which is probably jsut as well because I was very much in a "run them off the road and crush their puny fleshy head beneath my wheels" state.
And to add insult to injury, in the copy of the police report I just filed the 311 agent marked my gender as "female". WTF?!

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